New Chapter

There’s no way to sugar coat this.  My marriage of nearly 21 years is over and my XYL and I are separating.  It’s been a rough past two months leading up to this (actually, come to think of it, maybe it’s been a rough few years), to the point where I’ve been physically ill thinking about everything from family to how will the grass at the house get mowed.  The emotions involved are overwhelming…. sadness, hurt, anger, hate, bitterness, uncertainty….relief…. But with every chapter that ends, a new one begins.

I’ve been house and building lot hunting, and getting an education on home owners’ associations, the bane of many a radio artisan.  I have a few good real estate prospects, one house in particular is ideal for an amateur radio QTH as it has a relatively high elevation, is wooded, has few other houses around, and I have information from a good source that the HOA is rather loosey-goosey.  It will be quite awhile until I can get a tower up again, so it’s back to basics with dipoles strung in trees.  Basics and simplicity appeal to me at this point in my life.  Now that I’m in my 40s and my daughter is heading to college next year I don’t need much of a house.  It seems most nice houses on the market here are just too big for me.  I’m looking at house plans in case I need to construct a home, as a “Plan B” option.  In any case I’ll probably settle on something that would normally be classified as a vacation cottage.

Despite the gut-wrenching situation with the marriage and my family, I’m looking forward to this transition and journey.  Outside of the mundane legal and administrative tasks that need to be completed and the grieving process with myself and the family, I’m somewhat excited about the transition.  While I’m losing a lot I’m gaining freedom and the opportunity to retool my life, simplify, be true to myself, and be happy.  Freedom and happiness have a lot of value, more value than material items.  My bucket list has expanded significantly and I plan to accomplish everything on the list these next 40 years.  I’m sure there will be a significant-other YL in my future after things settle down.  I hope to chronicle my journey here in the coming weeks and months.

Today I’m off from work, getting stuff done around the house and preparing for Field Day, one of my most favorite events of the year.  See you on the air this weekend!

Anthony, K3NG, is a regular contributor to AmateurRadio.com.

11 Responses to “New Chapter”

  • Harry K4BAD:

    I’m sorry. Hope you land on your feet

  • D. Lowery & AE7QL:

    Sorry to hear about the marriage ending. Had it happen 25 years ago for me. Fortunately…I haven’t found anyone else to complicate my life. 😉

    As for the housing situation…may I suggest a trend I have been looking at for a few years…the “Tiny House” movement. For about 25-30 K…you can buy a complete home which maybe on wheels or could be meant for a slab.

    It takes a little change of how you look at what you classify as a home…but I was looking at it the same as buying a new car and having it paid off before I was 60 years old. In about 10 or so years…would be ready to retire from teaching.

  • Bob W8RMV:

    Seek out a good ombudsman instead of a lawyer. You will both get a good settlement at 1/4 the cost of a lawyer. The Ombudsman takes care of everything for both spouses, with no competing 3rd parties. Less fighting. Good luck.

  • Cliff KU4GW:

    Sorry to hear about your marriage problems Anthony. I don’t think I’d take your friend’s comments about the HOA being rather loosey-goosey as etched in stone and decide to buy. You had better read those restrictions for yourself before you sign anything or you may wind up with some very deep regrets about it later! Hopefully the new house bill HR4969 the “Amateur Radio Parity Act of 2014” will make it out of the House Energy and Commerce Committee and then make it through the Senate and be passed into law and then those HOA covenant and restrictions won’t be a burden to hams anymore, but that’s a big maybe and a ways off whatever happens with it! Good luck and my very best wishes for a bright and promising future in all your endeavors! Very 73! For more info on HR4969 see http://www.arrl.org/news/house-bill-would-require-fcc-to-extend-prb-1-coverage-to-restrictive-covenants

  • Marco IZ2LSO:

    What the caterpillar calls the end, the butterfly calls birth….

    I wish you all the very best.

  • Paul Griffith KE5WMA:

    I’ve been down that road before. My advice is to stay connected to your friends, clubs, church, etc.

  • Harry K7ZOV:

    I have also been down that road. Sorry to hear it happened to you. Hang in there, I did and it paid off. I was never going to get married ever again..NEVER,NEVER,NEVER..Never say NEVER. Found a interesting woman and one of the best XYL’s anyone could want. She has no interest in ham radio for herself but makes sure I get on the air time and has helped me get a dream station set-up. Now as for living arrangements.. I have different view. Looking into a used Class “A” or even a Class “B” RV. You can then find places to park and stay at a price a lot cheaper then in a house right now. You can take off anytime you want to the mountains or ocean or wherever and set up and have a blast. Most Class “A”‘s are just like a house in many ways. I had a Class “C” for a number of years. It helped me heal. There is a lot of healing that can be done even with short trips. You see life and realize it is there and it can be good again Just a suggestion.

    Harry K7ZOV 73

  • Harry K7ZOV:

    MISTAKE IN LAST EMAIL… NOT A CLASS “B” DUH. THAT IS A MODIFIED VAN… I MEANT A CLASS “C”….

  • Guys, thanks for your advice and words of encouragement. It is greatly appreciated!

    73

    Goody

  • Ernest Gregoire, AA1IK:

    Ham radio was a ‘God-send’ when my marriage broke up. Its heart wrenching for sure, but eventually life happens again. Keep in touch,

    73 de AA1IK

    Ernest Gregoire

  • Jim Best WU7G:

    Sorry to hear of your divorce but sometime it is for the best of all concerned. I went through this in 1990 and believe me it isn’t the end of the world although we think it is at the time. In fact my health actually improved. I met a wonderful lady and was married for almost 18 years until she passed away in 2008. I remarried in 2010 to another great lady and we are celebrating 4 years this month. Both ladies supported me 100% which didn’t happen with the first one who I was with for 28 years. Take your time and try not to make any major decisions right away. Remember, there are more of them than us, at least at my age (76). Many are looking for a companion. Best of luck and God bless.

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